The first thing that you should know is that I am not a typical woman - I don't really like to shop. I find it stressful. Anyway, I decided that I would go shopping for a new pair of shoes (which I can always shop for - I do love my shoes!) and a new bra. I figured it was time to get one since I am going to a wedding this weekend. I want to look nice in my dress. The only other thing that I love to shop for is jewelry - what can I say, I am attracted to sparkly things. I must have been a bird in my past life!
I found a pair of shoes that I liked and then went on the hunt for a bra. I quickly realized that I didn't even know what size I wear now. With the amount of tissue they removed from my left breast and the weight that I have lost recently I expected that my size would have changed. So I grabbed my old size and a size down and headed to the change room.
I put on the new size. It was uncomfortable, it hurt my incision (which still causes me pain from time to time) and it just didn't look nice at all! There was flesh coming out where it wasn't supposed to! Off that came! Now I was frustrated. Here I was on my typical shopping experience. This is why I don't like shopping.
I left that store and went to another one. I decided that I was going to need some help with this process. I went to the lady at the counter at Sears because I knew they sized bras there and she mumbled something about helping me in a minute and walked away. Hmmm .. this wasn't making my experience anymore pleasant. I was already feeling unsure about this and frustrated. I left there and went to another store.
I went into La Senza because I knew they also sized bras there. Now this was a much more pleasant experience. I told the girl that I needed help. What a sweetie she was! She asked me what size I was and I explained to her that I didn't know. She whisked me into a change room and measured me up. She wasn't bothered by my scar. She didn't fuss about it. She whisked out of the change room and came back with several bras for me to try on. She came back to see how I was doing. She made sure that they were fitting properly. All in all, she was wonderful!
Then she proceeded to tell me that you could get the second bra for half off and that the underwear were 3 for $27. Oh dear! She lead me around the store and helped me choose another bra - maybe it is time to start wearing one again all the time - and she helped me choose some underwear. I commented to her that it was nice to feel pretty again and she told me that I didn't need to worry about that, that I was already beautiful. Just writing that brings a tear to my eye.
I am pretty sure the girl was sincere or at least a very good actress. At any rate, it sure felt good to hear!
I didn't realize that it was an emotional issue for me still. I thought I had gone through all the emotions surrounding my breast cancer. But it turns out that there was yet another layer on the onion. Until I said those words, I didn't realize that I hadn't felt pretty. Most of the time I don't even notice my scar. It is just there. And the doctor did such a great job, you can hardly see it if you look at me straight on. I wonder if getting a picture of it would give me a different perspective. That's something that I have been thinking about ... some more thought is needed on that I think.
Anyway, I just wanted to say, "I feel pretty again ..." :)