The choice that I made next set up my day in the wrong way! I went back to bed too! I had the choice to go downstairs and do my workout. I had the choice to do some personal growth reading. I was already showered so I could have gotten dressed and ready for the day. Instead I chose to go back to bed and get a little more sleep too. In looking back, I believe that this poor choice set up my day, but I'll get to that. I reset my alarm and went back to sleep.
When my alarm went off again I got up and got ready for the day. My lunch plans for the day had been cancelled the night before due to the weather so I chose to do a cleanse day. I packed all my cleanse products and packed Ethan's stuff for the day. I dropped Ethan at school and then headed to the library to work for the morning. While I was working I got a text from my friend, Paul, to see if we could still do lunch. I said sure! I figured I would have some soup broth which wouldn't kill my cleanse day and some tea. I finished up some work and then headed to my lunch plans.
We had determined to meet at Pat's which is a Thai and Cambodian restaurant that we both love, but rarely eat at. We have been going there for years! When I say years I mean since we worked together almost 20 years ago. We have followed this man, Pat, around to the different restaurants that he has had around town. We had a truly enjoyable time catching up and I sipped my soup broth and tea. I had the rest of the soup packed to go at the end of lunch.
I headed to get some gators for Ethan as snow was getting under his snow pants and down into his boots. He didn't want different boots. By the time I found those it was almost time to pick him up from school. I headed to his school and did some work in the car while I waited for the time to pick him up.
We headed home and I made him dinner, did my workout that I didn't do in the morning as I went back to sleep and didn't go to the hockey rink to do the stairs due to Ethan's sore thumb, did the dishes up, did a bit more work and then played a board game with Ethan before we headed to read The Land of Stories at his bedtime.
After his bedtime, I went and made lunches for the next day. As I was packing the butter tart squares for his lunch that Joe had bought for the birthday celebration on the weekend, I realized that I was eating one! Oh no! Not only did that blow my cleanse day, but it was also not on my eating plan for my fitness competition. I began to feel guilty and to beat myself up. I had resisted cakes and goodies the last several weekends at the birthday parties. I had resisted pies and treats at Thanksgiving. I had resisted so much, why had I blown I today? "You're weak!" "I knew you couldn't do this!" Wow! The things I said /say to myself!
We don't usually have this type of stuff in the house, but when there are celebrations, we bring a lot of our own food since Ethan and I have allergies. Also, with the fitness competition, I bring my own food to ensure that I get what I need and don't get what I don't need.
The Tracy of past gone days would have decided that she had blown it and would have given up. The new Tracy is recommitting to that outcome called a fitness competition and is moving on.
Some of you may be thinking, "Big deal! It was only a butter tart square." The thing is that these treats do make a difference in measurements when you are training. We will see when I do my measurements on Sunday morning. The rest of the week may make up for it. Time will tell. Thankfully I am early in the process and so I can course correct.
As I reflect back on my day, I realize that it was that choice that I made to go back to bed that set me up to be out of integrity with my commitment for the whole day. I didn't respect my future self by doing my workout given the opportunity and according to my schedule. I didn't respect my outcome that I was working towards, my fitness competition.
What I am proud of was that I caught myself in the cycle of beating myself up and prevented that decision that I would have made before, to stop.
I'm glad that I have drawn the line in the sand and am committed to making my best better every day. I'm glad that I am more forgiving now and can allow myself to make mistakes. I am also glad that it was early in the process so that I can be more mindful of these situations going forward! I WILL rock that stage and that bikini!
Finally, I am glad that I have integrity. I could have not posted about this slip up today, but I realize that does not serve me nor does it serve you! It doesn't serve me because it keeps me out of being in integrity and allows the cycle to continue setting me up for another potential day of mishap. It doesn't serve you because it let's you believe that you have to be perfect to work towards a goal or as I like to call them, desired outcome! I value myself too much to pretend that I am perfect. I also value my desired outcome too much to allow myself to stay out of integrity. Part of the reason that I am pursuing this goal is for the purpose of proving to myself that I can do it! Lastly, I want everyone to know that they can make their best better. I want everyone to know that they are worth it. I want everyone to know that they are worthy of their desired outcome. I want everyone to know that You Are Enough!
If you were in a similar situation, would you have grace for yourself? Would you beat yourself up? Would you give up and eat the rest of the pan instead of packing them in your child's lunch for a treat? I hope that you will be gentle with yourself and hit your reset button so you can keep walking towards your goal! I'm excited to say that Ethan will be quite happy when he opens his lunch today and finds two butter tart squares as a special treat!